238 Responses to “Movie Review: Bad ‘Moon’ On The Rise”
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November 20, 2009
[…] Twilight) — oh, maybe I was trying to log into WordPress — but I was distracted by this hilarious review of the next movie in the oh-so-popular my-what-a-drunken-expression-you’ve-got vampire […]
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November 20, 2009
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November 20, 2009
[…] post: Movie Review: Bad 'Moon' On The Rise « Cinematropolis By admin | category: movie review | tags: audience, draw, erstanding-the-draw, golden, […]
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November 20, 2009
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November 20, 2009
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November 20, 2009
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November 20, 2009
[…] were suppose to be serious. When I logged onto WordPress today, I stumbled across a post about New Moon. It’s sooooo funny. I hope whoever directs the 3rd saga makes it worth the $10.oo ticket I […]
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November 20, 2009
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November 21, 2009
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November 21, 2009
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November 21, 2009
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November 21, 2009
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November 21, 2009
[…] Movie Review: Bad 'Moon' On The Rise « Cinematropolis Saturday, November 21st, 2009 at 20:32 Tags: althea harper, michael jackson sonogram, movie reviews for new moon, new moon, reviews on new moon RSS feed for comments on this post Leave a comment | Trackback […]
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November 21, 2009
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November 21, 2009
[…] movie New Moon, and sadly I only want to see it because the first one was so bad. I found another blogger on wordpress who reviewed the movie and even though I have not seen the movie yet, it sounds like […]
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November 22, 2009
[…] “Out of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” okay so i found this blog and it has to be the funniest thing i have ever read. i never even saw the movie and i’m laughing. https://cinematropolis.wordpress.com/2009/11/20/movie-review-bad-moon-on-the-rise/ […]
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December 8, 2009
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Cinematropolis 
I would take enormous pleasure in mauling it.
The problem with these films, Bartleby, and you do sort of touch on it, is the source material. It’s poorly written mormon dogma disguised as moron soap opera drivel.
This book in particular is especially bad, what with there being 40 or so blank pages in it where Smeyer couldn’t write amnesia properly. What a waste of trees.
Anyway, the point is that the books are creepy (and not in a good way) if you think about them for a second. Edward Cullen is 90 years old, and he has a thing for barely/ illlegal poon. Except he doesn’t act on it, rather he watches her sleep like a particularly sick pervert. This isn’t disgusting or anything. Not at all.
The werewolves themselves, who are brown so that she can juxtapose the perfect lilywhite Cullen with them, are basically a dubious metaphor for pre-determination: they imprint on the love of their life (who has no choice in the matter and HAS to love them regardless). In this case, the werewolf (aside from being a borderline rapist- see book 3) is, and I’m going to spoil this, not “in love” with her, rather he’s imprinted on her unborn child.
Sick.
Books 3 and 4 are worse, what with thinly veiled religious bigotry (towards catholics) and the truly icky birth sequence in 4 (although that does have the best unintenional joke of the series when Edward bites the pillow while they’re having sex).
Awful, evil, terrible shite and the fact that teenage girls are lapping this crud up makes me fear for humanity.
You were far more restrained than I would have been able to be.
If you really didn’t like the books. Why on earth did you actually read them? It seems like an awful waste of time.
The books are written for girls, with no prospect of winning the Nobel Prize in literature.
I work in a school.
“If you really didn’t like the books. Why on earth did you actually read them?”
But wouldn’t you kind of have to read them first, in order to know for sure that you don’t like them?
illegal activity, seemingly politically incorrect acts have never stopped a movie from ever being like. And for your information, he has the body of a young man. He’s not human and perhaps that was his big chance to get close to someone. Whilst I agree, having a stranger watching you as you sleep is rather creepy, but this is SCIENCE FICTION
I don’t care if he has the body of a young man. He’s over 100 years old. You don’t just age physically, you know.
Maturing is based on both physical aging and the sum of your experiences and history. You can try to disguise it any way you like, but he’s basically a dirty old paedo chasing underage poon.
illegal activity, seemingly politically incorrect acts have never stopped a movie from ever being like. And for your information, he has the body of a young man. He’s not human and perhaps that was his big chance to get close to someone. Whilst I agree, having a stranger watching you as you sleep is rather creepy, but this is SCIENCE FICTION and what happens here is probably a lot more probably than bloody superman. ok? (i like superman, i’m just making a point). In the obvious defense of the series, it’s nice, emotionally. It IS rather bland, but so were the great classical novels like pride and prejudice. Get over yourselves boys. It was low budget. And for something low budget and successful (amongst women), you should leave it the f*ck alone. Why don’t you shove it up yourselves and try pointing out good and logical facts about rambo, you’d have more fun.
sorry, tired and a little cranky, explains my double posts and bad spelling.
Oh- and they’re not Vampires.
I don’t know what they are, but Vampires ain’t it.
Turdpire pederasts, probably.
You know what else sucks about this, the special effects. I have yet to see it, but I paused the TV last night during either a clip of the movie on a late show or trailer and it just HAPPEN to be right during a werewolf transformation. All you could see was parts of the werewolfe appearing out of thin air! Its like they just took the actor out of the shot and put a werewolf in there, not even bother trying to make some sort of transformation.
They put more effort into the vampire teeth change in True Blood.
Also I saw the clip with Dakota Fannings scene and OH man! How crap, her contacts looked like something from a college student film or low budget horror movie from the 70s you could see where they ended! And the showed Robert with his shirt off, why is only his head pasty white? The rest of his body was just typical blimey pale.
yeah, that picture makes her look really odd because the red doesn’t match with her eyes. They should try something more…I don’t know, realistic???
just to let you know coz you obviously haven’t read it, they have red eyes, they can’t change that for the film because that’s a huge point in the book to show what type they are. there is no way to make it more realistic and what would be the point, do vampires really seem realistic in any way to you??
He’s so pasty pale because he hides in his basement and eats chalk all day. God, were the effects that bad? XD I shouldn’t have expected any less.
Awwwww, I love this movie complete with all of it’s rediculous lack of special effects or time spent on character analysis. Because, well, Jacob is dreamy! 🙂
http://www.theprettyproject.com
I have not read the books but I keep hearing how badly written they are. Being a HUGE Anne Rice fan (the literature not the movies) I have a hard time digesting the idea of sparkly vampires.
That said the preview of the werewolves was intriguing. But more like ‘maybe I need to get back into reading horror again.’ Movies always disappoint and are never really feed my imagination and lust as a book would.
http://anlimarey.wordpress.com/
Seriously koutchboom, if you haven’t even seen the movie yet then why are you giving it bad reviews!
Ummmmm where did I give it bad reviews? I said I was just going off of some clips I saw on TV. Clips that are suppose to make you want to see the movie, when those clips look as terrible as the ones I saw, why would I want to pay to see 2 hours of that?
Usually they put the best bits in the trailer, and for a movie that cost as much as Twilight 2: Die Harder probably did, I shouldn’t be able to punch holes through their CGI effects in just the trailers.
Seriously, watch the trailer pause it right before shirtless guy #2 runs and then POOFS into a wolf. So I guess they are magic?
right and from those little clips you are giving bad feedback. It’s quite literally a bad review isn’t it?
No- he’s right. You can see shoddy special effects and comment on them without seeing the whole film.
yep, Jacob IS dreamy. ha.
The scary thing is that out of all the teens eating up this drivel, a percentage will one day be writers, directors, producers themselves.
A very very very very very very very very very very small precentage. And they will probably be the ones that saw it went….I can do better then that, and then they do.
…and doctors, and investors, and senators, and parents, etc. We’re doomed.
That is more frightening.
Kudos Shelby
I forced myself to sit down and watch the first movie last night — What. A waste. Edward looks like a gay fairy when he sparkles, Bella’s just dumb, plus what’s up with her teeth?, and the rest is just pure crap. By the sounds of it, they’ve managed to make the second movie worse somehow. Long live Anne Rice.
The first part is very light. Everything is predictable, like we wrote the book or we film the movie. Doesn’t have anything gothic in it (talking about the movie) and the essence of vampires stories is the gothic feeling. The second part it’s a combination with Underworld. Sorry, but it’s light.
I published on my blog the detailed for a gothic story wroted by a romanian guy. The name of the book is Long Journey Inside the Flesh. It’s a good one!
Great review! Everything one would expect from a film based on a piece of crap “novel.” Oh, did I say novel? I meant pre-teen daydream diary entry. At best. The “New Moon” book is terrible — esentially, NOTHING HAPPENS. Bella is just angsty and doing dangerous things in hopes of having hallucinations. And she leads Jacob on along the way in a splendid show of selfishness and immaturity. Of course the movie is going to suck. Plus, I’ve noticed that it’s been promoted as ending with some sort of “action-battle” scene in Italy where Edward “must risk everything” for Bella. What the hell is that? It’s certainly not in the book, because Meyer is incapable of writing anything that resembles a real plot.
http://www.vampychronicles.wordpress.com
I loved the books and I’m 32. It’s a great throw-back to classic Victorian gothic literature. The Twilight series in particular is a contemporary version of Wuthering Heights, which Meyers hints to by having Bella carry the book around with her throughout the series (it’s her favorite book). Edward is the gothic anti-hero and James is the savior. For young adult fiction, it’s right up there with many of the favorite Victorian gothic lit – Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Dracula -which many teens read in high school, sometimes as required reading. It’s too bad that Meyers didn’t have a better editor as there are typos throughout each book. That aside, I enjoyed being pulled back into the familiar Victorian gothic story even as it’s told in modern day with ipods and Volvos no less. It’s classic gothic romance. It’s not “goth” the way the term is used today to describe a sub-type of alternative music, fashion, etc. New Moon was the most depressing of the 4 books in the series because Bella is depressed through much of it. This is not uncharacteristic of classic Victorial gothic literature. House of Usher and House of Mirth are two examples of classic stories that weren’t exactly pick-me-ups but still great tales. Many of Daphne du Maurier’s classic books were also mis-categorized (as romances) when in fact they were psychological thrillers; perhaps Meyers’ books are also suffering from mis-categorization.
Fen,
I understand what you are saying, and I really would like to agree; Wuthering Heights and House of Mirth, not to mention Jane Eyre, are wonderful, wonderful books but I think surface level similarities aside, the Twilight series only understands victorian gothic sensibility through the lens of what we would throw-off as ‘goth’ these days. I think Meyers no doubt enjoys that kind of story and wants to tell the same kind, and maybe on the page she does. All I know is that as far as the movies are concerned, it’s much ado about nothing. If you want to see a better recent vampire movie that really grasps Victorian gothic tropes, check out this one:
Yeah if you have to have the main character carry around a book that you think the book you are writing is like, then you failed at crafting a good novel.
Its like she may as well said that the begining of the novel, this should be like classic Victorian gothic literature such as (list titles).
Thats almost a parody of the whole thing that she does that.
I wouldn’t describe anything in the film as ‘action’ or ‘battle’.
I meant Jacob, not James.
I despised the books almost as much as the first movie. The only reason I read through them all was because I wanted to see how she wrapped up the story, and even then I didn’t like it. I almost put this book down several times. All Bella does for about 200 pages is mope. This book could easily have been cut in half. As for the movie; the only reason I was going to see it was because of Dakota Fannings. But even then I was just going to wait until it was available on on-demand for $4.
Well I haven’t seen the movie but, I know that if the movie was that wack it doesn’t matter because robert patterson is fine as hell!
Listen Willowbatel you sound so dumb by saying that you only read the books to see how the story ended.How stupid are you and then you come out and say I still don’t like it.Then don’t watch it GOODBYE!
That’s a better reason than to test your new found sexuality out. Which is a sort of sad thing to be doing at 32
Well seeing to the fact that if I had only read the first book and then commented on the whole series I would sound even “dumber.” At least I can say I got the entire affect of the series and made a valid judgment. You don’t need to be rude just because my opinion varies from your own.
Daaaaaaaam,
Nutty fan chick alert.
If your an adult and glom onto this trash I seriously hope you don’t reproduce.
Hmmm. I just read through everyones comments, mostly out of procrastination to work on a design model for architecture, but maybe were looking at this too critically. I guess if you are in the movie industry though, it would be a little harder to be agreeable to the movie. Im not going to say that Im one of those fans who goes all gooey eyed or scream every time Rob or Taylor come on, but I do enjoy reading it. I liked the books because I felt like I could connect to the characters and the story. I think its impressive the way Meyers makes her characters so human even though there vampires and werewolves. When I read the books, I felt like I was Bella because we have so much in common. Also the vampire issue could be substituted for any relationship problem, and who ever asked about Kristen Stewarts teeth is just mean. Were not perfect people. Also to all those people who had a problem about the length of New Moon and are questioning about those pages that just have the months on them, its just to show how much time past. I like saving trees as much as the next person but I think its done pretty well. And really, I think unless any of you have written a book I dont think there should be much to complain about. If you dont like it then you dont, but no one likes to hear complaining unless you have a solution tied to it.
Really? So now you can only complain if you’ve done it? OK. What do you think the internet was created for? To solve problems?
Er, no.
To misquote Dr. Johnson- You don’t have to be a fucking carpenter to criticise a shoddy table.
Great review Bartleby!
Hey Jennifer. Thanks for posting. I think critique is a necessary, although occassionally ugly and wrong-headed, part of the artistic process. I also don’t personally think that someone needs to have done something themselves in order to offer up an analysis if the work being critiqued is art, entertainment or something designed for an audience. At that point, your criteria and qualifications are as an audeince member.
Me, I’m solely judging the film, not the book it was made from. I haven’t read any Stephanie Meyers, but I can understand the comfort of a good story where you find yourself relating to the characters. What I see when I look at Twilight though, is a watered down version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s relationship between Buffy and Angel.
Alot of the complaints and critiques leveled at Bella and Edward could be leveled there too, with one significant difference; Angel and Buffy were drawn as flawed and believable people who made poor choices, and had to deal with the consequences of their actions. In particular, those two characters had much to deal with in regards to the chain reaction that their love and passion sparked. For me, Whedon captured some basic truths about the way young people can approach relationships and the symbolism they imbue them with, as well as the way they can become dangerous things to the parties involved. I don’t see any of that in Twilight, which seems primarily resting on the ‘comfortable’ fringe of its dark, nocturnal world of werewovles and vampires.
“but I keep hearing how badly written they are.” Ffftt yah right they are Way better than the movies and if you don’t like the idea of vampires sparkling and everything you are probably older than 29 so your imagination has faded. I’m not directing it to any one person but really i love the twilight saga books whereas the movies do have quite a few mistakes sorry if im being terribly rude but you are too all you non-Twilight lovers.
Sorry to be so crude
Don’t believe what you hear
As a member of the male minority that actually did read this book and the rest of the saga I will say that I had no big expectations for it. If the film was completely faithful to the book the movie would have depressed everyone in the audience to the point they leave half way through or have thoughts of suicide. They had to force action into the movie to make it somewhat interesting, but when you have a screenwriter whose writing ability is as bad as the author who wrote the books than poor plot development is inevitable. Maybe they can get it right in the third movie, but something tells me they won’t.
How are the books Shawn? Where do you fall? Fan, decryer, or somewhere in the middle?
Hahahahah Whedon. Could you imagine having to deal with that guy say….around 1993-1994 (before he got that Toy Story money!!!). It be like this.
OK JOSS I GET IT! You want a Teenage vampire story, but your movie sucked so no!
Come on it’ll be a TV SHOW!
No vampires are stupid and unpopular, not even Eddie Murphy can make a dime off of them! What makes you think you can!
sadly, koutch, I think studios are still saying variations of the same thing to him these days.
Yeah, but they are right this time. Dollhouse sucks, but its not his fault. Its his love of Dushku that killed it. She was not a good enough actress to carry that role.
Plus to further Firefly after Serenity would be stupid. If he could get some more screen writing gigs rather then always having to direct he would get somewhere.
Ahhh, fandom, gotta love it. Carrying on the proto-typical Whedon nerd arguments in a thread dedicated to a cult item I don’t get. What the heck, I’ve come this far.
I rather liked Dollhouse and the writing was very strong in some episodes. Dushku was giving the role her all, but it’s more about how the character is written than anything that makes it a hard sell. Dramatically, it isn’t rising and falling in the right places that would make it an audience favorite. There is/was some fine work going on in it though. I’m looking forward to seeing what Whedon’s involvement on this Cabin in the Woods (or whatever it’s called) horror film looks like.
hahahahahahaha actually thinking about that again. If you think about the last Eddie Murphy movie, Meet Dave, it was about a alien living in a human robot suit. And the robot taking over the form of a different personality. And it was a flop.
Which WHILE YES ITS A HUGE!!! HUGE HUGE HUGE stretch. You could say its a similar idea to Dollhouse.
Like I said, a stretch.
Don’t get me wrong I liked Dollhouse. But in a show that really only has two sort of episodes, one being Echo becomes a character and weird stuff that happens to her. With the only non crazy one being the episode with Patton Oswald.
And the other type of episodes are about the secert of the Dollhouse and people trying to find out. These have consistently been 100 percent better then the Echo on an outing episodes.
And to prove my point that its her acting, she’s just flat in everything. The way she acts when she is whiped and just walking around the dollhouse. That is how she is when on a mission, except with a little more vocabulary. But back to proving my point since i just side tracked myself. I think the last aired episode with the unknown Dichen Lachman going out was a pretty good episode. While yes that had some to do with finding out about the Dollhouse, but she was the star of that episode and it was better then anything Dush has done on the show.
And I really like Dushku I was hoping that this would be a hit, but it looks like she’ll be stuck making National Lampoon Presents: The New Guy 2! before anything else big.
Plus every celeberity gossip shot I’ve seen of her she looks off, like drugs or something.
Sorry Bartleby I have to disagree. Dollhouse was just horrible and maybe MAYBE like 3 episodes had good writing. Almost nothing worked in that show in my opinion except for maybe the fat chick and Scar face. Dushku was horrible ditto for Helo, English broad. The Black guy was hit and miss.
yea, I guess we do disagree. I thought the cast was starting to hang together pretty well, although to be sure, they didn’t have the effortless kind of chemistry that stuff like Firefly or Buffy, –even Angel–had during their runs.
Yeah but like always, Alan Tudyk was the best thing about the show. How come he always comes off as the best thing in most stuff he’s in? He just doesn’t look like a guy that would be that good. But he’s always really good? I don’t get it. It can’t be acting?
from the moment he showed up–which I think was the otherwise soggy Knight’s Tale–Tudyk looks like the lame-brained comic relief, like a human Woody Woodpecker, but he has such a specific handle on what he’s doing and where he fits into whatever he’s doing that he often steals the show. I think he knows where his gifts are, which is a kind of affable, quirky wackiness and he plays to it. If he were the lead, it wouldn’t work. If he were playing it too straight, or normal, no go. But he’s always consistently off kilter in some respect, even if it’s just in small ways. Two good examples from 2004–his work in I, Robot and Dodgeball. Say what you will about the movies themselves, but Sonny and Steve the Pirate were honest to goodness characters who I actually came to like.
Yeah I totally agree, I liked Dogeball hated I Robot but he was great in both.
Also in the new V, he needs more screen time. And in the Death At a Funeral movie, I kind of hated that movie, but he was great.
ah, twilight sucks so hard.
i have mot yet been subjected to the mind numbing terror of the first film, but if the romance falls as flat as it does on teh page in teh film then i doubt i’ll be enthralled.
this film really doesn’t sound much better.
talking about cruddy Dollhouse is better then having to talk sbout Twilight tripe!
The episode of the V miniseries I saw, Tudyk was abolutely the best part. I think you nailed his appeal perfectly Bart. Steve teh Pirate was a very subtle piece of work in my opinion edpecailly during the “revelation’ scene.
funny, I don’t even think of these as vampire movies. weird.
Nor should you.
ugh i hated the books, and finally managed to sit through the first movie yesterday with my mom, who is IN LOVE with Edward cullen, despite being a full grown woman. i would never see this movie in theaters. I do not understand this new hot vampire trend.
Yikes! I truly, truly don’t understand it either Brittany.
holy crap Bartleby! You’re quit famous today! Can’t say im a Twilight fan, its not in my demographic lol but you made the front page today, congrats my fellow movie reviewer friend!
Hola Cello,
Thanks man! I appreciate it. How are things with you?
Don’t review a movie that you haven’t seen, or trash books you haven’t read.
After you have seen them, your point of view is worthy of our consideration. Until then, it’s just another uninformed voice spewing nonsense into the air.
I went to the midnight screening of “New Moon”, in case you’re interested.
http://carlaspeaks.wordpress.com
Can I just say, I solely agree with you!
It’s actually amazing how much money these books and mvies have made. I mean really, all the books are so simoly written a 5 year old could read it and then go one better, rewrite it and moke it more interesting.
And as for the movies? Just depressing kids doing depressing things, like jumping off cliffs for no apparent reason, or than to hear a little voice of a vampire in your head! Cry for help much?!
This movie is “critic-proof”! New Moon is much like the undead; it can’t be stopped…
Bartleby, thank you for all the belly-laughs! I enjoyed reading your review. I am a huge Anne Rice fan (of the books, not the movies. never the movies!). Therefore, I already knew to not even bother with the Twilight movies. However, I did read the entire Twilight series and I absolutely loved them. As many other say, it is so easy to fall in love with and identify with the characters. The sexual tension is actually very potent in the first book. The second one gives a perfect depiction of the gut-wrenching you experience with a broken heart. Since Hollywood pretty much never does a good book justice, I don’t blame them if the Twilight movies are horrible. I just know better than to waste my time or money on them.
FUCK U PEOPLE NEW MOON WAS THE TIGHT YOU WISH U CAN BE BELLA
No, actually, I really don’t. I prefer to keep the brain cells I do have, instead of blowing them on some dead guy who looks permenantly stoned.
“She may like washboard abs, but not as much as men the same color as the washboard”
Ooohh…That cracked me up.
Your review cracked me up, it’s more beautiful than the movie!
Lovely, lovely…I couldn’t have done better than that.
And for being brave and facing the inevitable anger of teenage fangirls, I commend you!
i freaking love this analysis…my thoughts on the first movie exactly and now i know not to bother with New Moon. its rather quite ridiculous the cult-y fanaticallism of it all
eu quero q a bela fique com o edward
First of the month can early to this TB I see. I guess all the Mormons need a collective MIDOL.
First off making a judgement about things before and after you see them is part of being human, but the parade of Mormon porn enabelers can seem to realize that, I reckon the the memo came out from SLC right? Defend this trash to the no matter what.
Second the characters suck, the books suck, the movies suck and I haven’t even read or seen any of them and I KNOW I’M RIGHT.
Yeah, and apples sucks big time, even though I have never tasted it or anything, I just KNOW that *I* am right.
nope YOU ARE WRONG.
I can’t wait until I can stop hearing about this movie!!
I think the whole Twilight saga thing sucks. I mean, really? Who wants to read about a bunch of stalkers chasing some gothic chick?
Basically just millions of girls. But I suppose I can understand it if you’re not part of the target group.
i would like to watch the movie soon !!!! >_< !
Well, then poor Allen Tudyk got killed in Serenity…
There are plenty of over 20 year olds who have active imaginations;I’m humbled to be among so many of them on Deviant Art and Elfwood, respectively.
New Moon was filmed where I live so you can imagine the chaos in a city that is already getting ready for the Olympics. And Vancouver is supposed to have a Twilight convention.
As a budding fantasy writer and artist, I create a lot of characters, but have been working with 6 very closely. You get to know their mannerisms and quirks…and I am not a full blooded author by any means. But,I would imagine that is where a lot of full time authors fear for their characters is when they are given to actors to bring them to life. I have not read the books nor seen the movies and don’t plan to.
However, if the books were deemed well written by enough people, surely one would hope Ms. Meyers would have cared enough about her characters to try to put them into capable hands. J.K. Rowling did. And those kids have done a wonderful job.
Purse, you make a great point there regarding Rowling and the actors in those Potter films. I’d argue they had more to work with. My submission of evidence; Pattinson as Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire. True, it isn’t exceptional acting work nor a huge role, but Pattinson did a nice job there with a real character. I suspect, and I’m sure I’ll get torn into for this, that the ultimate problem lies with either the way Meyers has written Edward or the way the screenplay has adapted him or both. I didn’t mention alot of the technical elements outside of the acting because although they are weak, it’s the central concept and overall nature of the movie that is weakest. What keeps me from reading the books outside is that when I watch the Twilight movies I don’t see an interesting story mangled, but something that feels curiously lacking in narrative direction or compelling characters.
It’s hard to make an awfully written book sing.
I attempted to read New Moon and couldn’t get into it due to Meyers constantly mentioning how cold Edward was.
He’s dead. We get it. The guy is cold.
The writing is so sub-standard. Regardless of what kind of audience she is going toward, J.K Rowling had the ability to write for a broad audience and her writing was incredibly vivid and entertaining- and she told a story in less than 640 pages most of the time. Meyers’ draws out the sub-par plot… making the reader (at least in my case) bored and want to rip out their hair.
I have said this before but I refuse to read anything by Stephanie Meyers until she learns how to write.
I’m with Stephen King on this one
Did anybody read Carmilla by Sheridan? Come on !!! There is a lot of gothic! That book is for literature as Diamanda Galas for music. Etalon! Gothic doesn’t means to wear black clothes!
And come on guys, Bella Swan ??? What the hell is this name for a gothic movie??? The beautiful swan??? LOL
http://verdenegru.wordpress.com
Carmilla! Good call Verdengru! Nearly forgot.
There is no freakin point seeing the movie if you don’t read the book! The book is a lot better than the movie and you have no right to judge something you don’t understand. The movie, I’ll admit is not as good as the book, but what have yout o compare it to? This movie is designed and made from a book that was created for young teenage girls such as myself. Are you a young teenage girl? No, so you will not understand. You must see it from the intended audiences point of view!
In the books, they aren’t as depressed. They are funny and realistic, kind of.
As I said. DON’T JUDGE SOMETHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!
I totally agree with you Tegan!
If the book is better than the movie, then that is one shit film. I may have got the wrong book, but I think this is the one with 40 or so blank pages in it.
Blank. Pages.
That is not good, not at all.
Plus its not goth. WTF?
You guys are just judging something not intended for you and complicating it. That’s why you don’t like it. YOU OVERANALYSE.
not goth Tega, but gothic, which as others have pointed out above possess two different connotations these days. Victorian Gothic melodrama is the style that Twilight and its characters have been crafted in, so thats why gothic is being thrown around so much. As for not being able to judge the book vs. the movie, well that’s just silly. The movie is now a separate entity, and if it’s bad it won’t take away from the book but it very well might dissuade potential readers from ever picking it up in the first place.
As for the novels, glad you enjoyed them. I don’t know how much older literature you have read but if you want to see where Meyers pulled a lot of here basic source material(at this point I’m deferring to my friends who have read the books) check out some of the Bronte’s work–Wuthering Heights comes immediately to mind–or Jane Austen’s novels, which while not being gothic, do feature two characters often circling one another in passionate showdowns that mostly occur from a distance.
You are right, I am not a teenage girl, but may I recommend the work of Neil Gaiman to you. Particularly, check out The Graveyard Book. I think if you enjoyed Twilight, you might really find alot to savor in that one.
Plus, using big words won’r make you right.
Unfortunately I will probably have to go watch this with my younger sister. At least there will be some hot girls there at the theater.
Mike B.
http://iherbcouponcode.grandmascoupons.com/
your such a guy. lol
The poster of the movie is looking good,surely it is from a good artist.
“They are funny and realistic” Huh?
A book/movie filled with pale, fey, sparkling 90 year old peado and waxed chested dandies that turn into mangy dogs is realistic and funny? Or is the funny part telling girls they aren’t complete humans without being in an abusive relationships?
Teagan once you get past the age of 14, leave Utah, experience life and perhaps read some REAL literature you will look back on the Tweenlight episode of your life in rueful regret.
If you are a 35 year suburban house frau, welllll…..
That pale faced sparkly pedo is probably not as rediculous as now days orange plastic fake boobied girls, that apparently are horney for sex 24/7 that people easily accept as a norm in movies. Btw not to mention he’s apparently a very hot sparkly pedo with a young fit body that has some kind of superpower more orgasmic than the watchmen group (ps i hate commedian because he’s an inconsiderate faghat).
It’s a story, a story told so that you can dream about it. That was the purpose of a story when it was first invented. So why be so harsh about it?
new director make this movie going full action.. but, romantic story still become soul of this movie..
Thanks for the review! I’m most probably gonna go watch it with my friends just to make fun of it and get a good laugh.
But honestly, people. Vampires sparkling? Really? I mean, seriously dudes (and dudettes lol), that is so gay! lol (no offense meant to any gay people :D)
So…yeah. Can’t wait to see this movie and make fun of it 😀 Thanks again for the review.
Oh, did I mention? I used to be a Twilight fanatic, but then I grew up lol
Did anyone see 30 days of night? Thats how vampires look, not like sissy bullshit posers with pastel abs.
I mean Robert Pattinson? Seriously? This fad needs to die.
I liked the feral vamp look, right up until Harnett beat one in a fist fight. Then it lost me.
Wow-the most talkback I’ve ever seen.
Makes me wonder about what could topi it?
Oh I know-The imminent World of Warcraft movie talkback-which is scheduled to hit sometime around, let’s see…December 21, 2012.
Can’t we all just get along, people?!?
(Bela is a two-timer)
To bad the Daywalker won’t show up and whack out the 90 year old pedophile.
Seems like teh New Moon cultists are tapering off? I guess the memo from Mormon central only gives orders for one day run on the internet. they took a page from the Scientology play book.
I think you’re being totally unfair. I’m not a teenage girl but even I can see this movie looks dreamy. Shame on you! (sticks tongue out at monitor)
😛
I know that a lot of people dislike the movie, and I hadn’t watched it till tonight to see what the fuss was about. In short, a lot of women like it. And for a good reason. Sadly, I find a lot of guys hate it. Why don’t we just connect the dots here and agree to disagree? I know not all women like it, but it’s very obviously a chick flick, how many films out there were made for men’s taste? and were shit, but yet accepted so easily? Just chill and get over the fact that you don’t see why someone would like it, it’s just that you cannot understand WHAT they like about it. It’s bland, boring, and vampires do not sparkle? Vampires don’t exist, who are you to say they do not sparkle? and As for bland and boring, I’d personally would much prefer to see this than some action packed, market-purpose ‘Awesome’ who has a guy in there that can apparently kick ass with flying bullets and gets a chick in the end. And has also a tiringly dramatic opera playing when action does occur (almost every minute of it no doubt). So sorry it’s boring, and a C rated film to you people, sorry the vampires don’t burn in sunlight or turn into bats. But that’s just the way it is in Twilight. Just because it is not your cup of tea doesn’t mean you should discourage others from watching it.
Hey Jin Suen,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I have no major objections to the story being a ‘chick flick’, and I would consider the recent adaptation of Pride and Prejudice to be one of the better films of the past decade. Persuasion, Bright Star and even slightly more free adaptations like Clueless I can get behind. I really wish Twilight had some of the underlying substance of Austen’s film adaptations or other substantial chick flicks. I can dig the idea that this is the female equivalent of a popcorn film, and while I think the sparkling vampire idea is utterly ridiculous I could have overlooked it, had it been delivered differently visually and there had been actual heat or substance to the love between Bella and Edward. If that love works on the page great, but it doesn’t here. When there is a lack of significant emotion I think whats left on screen can seem creepy and we are left questioning the overall structure of the story. My problem with Twilight(the films) is not what it is about, but how poorly it has gone about being what it is.
JS-your time and thoughts *are* appreciated, so I’ll make a few points in return.
I do agree with most of Bartleby’s critiques of the books and movies.I personally get offended-because there are so many better books with similar themes.
So, on the one hand, the twilight books are a great trend just because they have a lot of gals interested and involved in reading when maybe nothing else would get them involved.
Without getting to long-winded-what drives me nuts is that “Twilight” is a rip-off of a better and older series-The sookie stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris.
Even that series starts having the same problems that twilight does-to many paramours for the lead heroine.
Anyway check them out-and there are lots of better Vampire books out there.
if you guys really hate twilight why waste your time talking about it and hating it when you seriously could be doing something better…I honestly like twilight but since I’m 13 you wouldn’t give a crap and probably don’t care what I have to say which is kind of sad because us 13 year olds have great ideas.
No they don’t.
To be honest, I remember being 13 and thinking I had great ideas. It turns out I was full of shit.
For those of us who look at drivel like the “Twilight” books and movies as a sign that the entire planet is going to hell, may I point out to you that we’ve all had our God-awful teen fads in our day?
Need I remind you that it was a different generation that allowed the musical ear-rape “Cats” to become one of the longest running stage shows of all time? Remember the horror of “The Breakfast Club?”
Fact is, every generation is chock full of terrible taste and ridiculous fads that become part of popular media. That “Twilight” is part of that human constant is as obvious as it is pointless to whine about.
Adding to my comment, Robert Pattinson is really horrible, I can agree to that. I didn’t even like that Bella chose Edward over Jacob. I’m only 13 and I probably am upset that a lot of people hate Twilight, but I’ve read a lot of books and I hate at least one ore two things about the books I read. My point is, look at the movie in my point of view or a 13 year old girl’s p.o.v, we end up reading good books to escape the drama of real life and sadly we get books and real life confused. We’re only human, I don’t even hate people or hate twilight because Hate is a waste of time.
lmao i hope blade gets em’ >:]
I loved the descriptive language in this review. Fair, mostly to the point and still fun without taking cheap jabs.
JS unlike Bronco and Bartleby I have grand objections to this particular brand of “chick flick” not so much with the teens becasue face it they are hormone driven accidents waiting to happen being led around by thier crotch. Although saying you aren’t complete without an ancient pedo abusive boyfriend is at best a funny message, no my problems are two fold.
First it’s the house fraus that fall for this BS. Look, I know they made bad choices with mates who are now fat, emotionally distant slobs, that care more about thier fantasy football team then their wife but come on. Sparkly boney whinny english pedo’s can’t be better and waxed chested nancy boys that turn into mutts won’t give them the love they desperately seek.
The other MAJOR problem is that these “stories” are just thinly disguised Mormon propoganda and not even main stream Mormon drivel. It’s skirting close to the Fundimentalist line. THAT’S a HUGE problem. Plus the books and movies just flat out SUCK. I’m more offended by the sucking then anything else.
Also Tweenlight isn’t SciFi FAR from it. It’s Estrogen lit if it’s anything.
I wish I could put forth something more thoughtful than this, but I really must say that the screencap at the end of this review was the icing on the cake. A thousand kudos and warm returns.
You think this movie is bad wait till you see the Christmas Carol from disney.
So not a kids movie I took little ones to see it and had to leave the movie becuse they where scared.
So like a horror movie, I dont even understand why its for kids.
l did fell a sleep when l was watching first one
In all honosty I thought that it was not a bad move, minus the fact that almost the entire movie Jake has his shirt off and bad graphics… It stayed pretty true to the book and is not that bad of a story line although most of what is said in this review is true, I guess im just a romantic…
I think the only thing that makes the movie a D is because Taylor Lautner has an 8 pack and has no shirt on for 80 percent of the movie…
At least that’s why I’d give it a D… The rest of it was a total bomb!
“the horror of “The Breakfast Club”
If by horror you mean one of the best, most heartfelt, insightful movies about teens ever put to film then yes the Breakfast Club was indeed horrific. It’s not like that horrific movie stood the test of time or anything like that.
of all the moronic things ever uttered on the internet that statment is near or at the top. Kudos…I guess..
I thought it was a good movie. Not exactly as the book, but it’s still good. I give it a A
I love the books
but you know, it depends on how reader will perceive it
people are expecting that what they read and imagine in the books are exactly what would the movie would show them
Just like what happened in Twilight
I’m a bit disappointed with that ’cause it’s mediocre
I haven’t seen the New Moon yet
Just hoping it will worth my money
new moon was so cool i loved it and the end well it makes me really wan’t to no what happends next !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO NEW MOON/TWILIGHT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So says future Captain of Industry.
Seriously, it’s blind faith support of it like this that is the problem with a huge amount of these fads.
Dont review a movie that you havent seen, or trash books you havent read.After you have seen them, your point of view is worthy of our consideration. Until then, its just another uninformed voice spewing nonsense into the air.I went to the midnight screening of New Moon, in case youre interested.http://carlaspeaks.wordpress.com
erm, he has seen it. And I’ve read them.
Not everyone is uninformed.
“I went to the midnight screening of New Moon, in case youre interested”
no nobody is interested.
I’ve come to the conclusion that uncritically accepting rubbish and propaganda is tied into having an abundance of estrogen floating through your system. It’s the only explanation for this robotic cult behavior on display here.
“Like I totallyyyyy Luv pasty pedos 4 like Evah”
“Shirtless Nancy boys are like soooooooo cute!”
I thought this movie was excellent. The director followed the book perfectly, he did a wonderful job with all the characters and overall the final result was great.
Obviously, the crowd more likely drawn to this movie is teenage girls. So it’s understandable that men would think it’s mushy and romantic. It is a chick flick.
Your rating is harsh.
The same mentality that causes screams and squeals for boy bands too.
The same mentality that brings on screams and squeals for boy bands too.
i just wanted to quickly throw in my two cents after reading this review and a lot of the comments.
i read all the books and was able to enjoy them–meyer at least has captured the first rule of authordom, which is to say she’s got a decent grasp on getting people to want to turn the page.
that aside, the books really are not well-written at all. that’s great if people feel they can connect to the characters, but honestly, i have no idea how that is even possible. bartleby, you touched on the point that bella’s behavior toward both edward and jacob is what in real life turns into getting into abusive relationships, and that’s one of the main things that popped out at me when i read the books. edward is controlling, condescending, and decidedly self-absorbed, while managing to completely ignore the spectrum of human emotion and actually PUT bella in danger instead of actually protecting her like he purports to do. he tells her what to do constantly and makes it sound like she’s too stupid/incompetent/etc to make any decision for herself, even when it’s one that would keep her safe (becoming a vampire–more on that in a minute).
jacob’s character had a lot more depth than edward at first…until he decided to force himself on bella and manage to convey the message to an entire generation of teenage girls that if a guy kisses you or touches you against your will then it’s just because he cares about you, and you saying no is no reason for him to stop. and afterward, you should just go about your business and forget it ever happened–or more correctly, not even identify it as being wrong. that part made me want to throw up…anyone who’s ever been the target of unwanted sexual advances or assault can probably relate to that feeling.
the biggest thing i see in these books/movies is that edward can’t stand the idea of a bella who makes her own choices. granted, bella’s choices plant edward firmly at the center of her universe and completely forget that it’s possible for young women to aspire to anything other than fawning doe-eyed over a pinnacle of perfection forever, but nonetheless, they are her choices. even when he tells her she should want a “normal” life, what’s really coming out there is that he just wants her to do the thngs he thinks he got cheated out of. which isn’t for her at all–it’s so he can live vicariously through her. the one smart choice she makes is completely refuted by edward. if he really cared about her safety, he would have let her change into a vampire at the end of “twilight” and that would have been that–but no. he decided to keep her in danger for three more books. maybe if humans in twilight stood any chance whatsoever at going up against a vampire and not coming out second best, it would be different, but as it is we know: vampires are indestructible and humans can never fight them. so if you knew your significant other was that vulnerable to coming up against the diamond-sparkling hulks, would you dither about for another 1000 pages or so or would you make him or her at least capable of defending himself or herself?
okay, that was more than two cents…that was about 208 cents. but to boil it down, this is what the twilight saga says to me: young women, you don’t need a personality. just wait till you find a beautiful, perfect (the only adjective meyer really thought necessary to describe edward) man who has lots of money and fast cars who will tell you what to do and how to do it. he’ll take care of you. you shouldn’t have any other interests at all. and if along the way, your best friend forces you to kiss him even when you say no, that’s fine. that’s just what boys do. no need to worry about that. just let them do what they want to you, because what you think doesn’t actually matter at all. then you’ll live happily ever after and get everything you ever wanted, including a nice half-vampire/half-human angel god child who you can marry off to your assault-prone best friend. and everyone will forever be happy.
unless your name is leah.
congrats emmie! Most well thought post award goes to you… Nicely done, and cemeting for me the fact that I will never read these books.
emmie, that is easily the best comment I’ve ever read in regard to these books/movies. Kudos to you!
Emmie…
I read through this entire page of comments and Bartleby is right in his honor to you!!
These are confusing times to teens. They have so much access to dangerous content and putting in all into context can be quite a daunting task!
The themes that the series propagate are really not what you want your teenage daughter to learn.
A side note: There have been several mentions that this is a chick flick and we should agree to disagree. My question then remains: Chick flicks don’t have substance? I’m insulted.
Also, today’s teens (note their comments) aren’t use to people disagreeing with them. Boy they have a rude awakening when they get out in the real world!
LOL!
I doubt I could have said it better myself and definitely not as eloquent. The picture at the end of the article does give me hope though ;o)
a statment so profound it needed to be said twice!
I like this movie, i think that it’s better than first.
Nice review. I especially like the picture at the end. XD
I loved this movie i justed watched it yesterday and it was so cool!
this movie, and books i would LOVE to add, was a disgrace. i bet anne rice makes is having loads of fun making fun of this movie.
and another thing, the actors ARE HORRIBLE. they have no emotion what so ever. the girl who plays bella, don’t remember her name nor do i care, should feel stupid.
(it just dawned on me how stupid i look to KEEP leaving comments, I SHOULD HAVE JUST WROTE IT ALL AT ONCE)
it’s just a suck movie…
it’s just a suck movie http://www.indokter.com
Oh boy. I watched it this weekend, and it was baaaaaaad. 😦 It’s SO meant for teens so I suppose it’s unfair to judge. 🙂 But then again, look at Harry Potter, I enjoyed them till the 6th book (when it started getting droll)… meh. I mean, HOW can you just ‘fall in love’..’I don’t want to lose you’ ??!! Hello..ok so maybe being 24 makes you a little jaded bout it all hehe…
Agree with Cunthiachaos, Bella is practically emotionless and speaks in monotone. I know the charactor is prolly meant to be semi-goth or something but it makes crappy entertainment.
ugh…finally my opinion represented…the media has made such big fuss out of this.
waw… new moon… alay gitu loch….
heheh…
Hahahah I completely agree. This movie sucked so bad. My friend and I ruined it all for the fanatical lunatics by laughing and making so many jokes about every single frickin line. None of that movie was good. Not even Taylor Lautner. I still don’t like him. Not even after seeing him shirtless for 2 hours on the big screen. Nope.
Terrible acing. Terrible movie.
how ignorant you bloody idiot, those people payed to enjoy a movie. not to have someone being immature and attention seeking (I’m guessing the fact that you bought a ticket to just sit there and piss about was to provoke some sort of reaction from ‘fanatical lunatics’) errgh.
How bloody ignorant. Those people payed for a ticket to enjoy the movie not to have some immature, attention-seeking (I’m guessing the reason you went and bought a ticket was to prvoke a reaction from these ‘fanatical lunatics’) errgh.
oookay it went twice :s
You’re right!
read the twilight saga and you will realize how lame they were… its very unrealistic… every thing came as favor for bella swan… shes such a very fortunate person to have every thing in her favor….
this film is everywhere! i have not watch it yet but I will definetely watch it in order to know why it is so popular!
Your post had some interesting points but I think you’ve missed something vital. The twilight series is a popular for a reason.
Perhaps you should read the books before commenting on them… I’d always rather read a well informed opinion… but based on the responses to your comments I might be wrong 🙂
The books on the whole are badly written, the characters are a little flat, the storyline in the second book is extremely slow and the story line in the fourth book is just plain odd.
But despite all of this Stephanie Meyer has clearly done something extremely well (she wouldn’t have captivated millions of people if she had not).
Writing the books in the first person is one of her keys to success. It allowed readers to feel like they were sharing in Bella’s experiences and it gave them a direct emotional connection with the protagonist.
Stephanie Mayer’s stroke of genius has been making Bella very ordinary. She is plain and clumsy.
In complete contrast to Bella, we have the vampires who are practically perfect in every way. Yet, despite Bella’s obvious flaws, Edward Cullen falls completely and utterly in love with her.
And there you have it. Bella is living every teenage girl’s fantasy.
http://www.tufangavaz.wordpress.com
reading the books in addition to seeing the movies isnt necessary for commenting on the film. If I point something out about the content here and it’s the same in the book, then as far as Im concerned that means that the source material was the problem. If it turns out the book content is different and better, than it means they failed with the movie, which was my point all along.
I understand that supposed ‘vital’ point, but I don’t think every teenage girls wants what is portrayed in this film (nor should they really), albeit many of them might. I get it. Twilight is popular because it targets a demographic. I have not argued its popularity, only it’s quality. From my perspective, that quality is dubious. I’ve heard very few legitimate defenses of the quality, only that I don’t understand it because Im older than 29 and my imagination no longer sparkles quite like Ed’s skin, or that Im a guy and hate mushy things, or havent read the books, or any kind of other extraneous thing. I tried to limit my criticism to elements of the film that don’t work–no dramatic tension, the characters are not interesting in and of themselves, they only work as ideas so if you aren’t predisposed to the idea of their character than you will be emotionally lost with the film. Poor acting by players who haven’t been given enough context also hurts Moon.
In addition, what rubbed me the wrong way was the supposition that seems to exist at the center of the movie that the relationship Bella wants with Edward is one worthy of pursuing, and yet his behavior towards her is unsavory to say the least and his actions manipulative and controlling. I can understand getting caught up in fantasy, but if the women who yearn after these cinematic strawmen actually had to face an Edward Cullen-esque lothario attempting to date their daughter I’d like to think they would want no part of it.
Most english teachers would argue that it isn’t really a well-written book. And that’s probably true. But it’s really entertaining! And I feel like I can relate to Bella. I’m smart, so I get that abusive relationships (as so many people claim the relationship between Bella and Edward is…) isn’t fine. But that’s not the point. If you really start analyzing every book on the planet, you would find something sick about all of them.
Solveig the following equivacating statement is so full of lies I’m stunned.
“If you really start analyzing every book on the planet, you would find something sick about all of them”
No no you won’t and that is a flat out false statement. Take the blinders off you worthless no taste having cultist.
It’s actually rather unintelligent to claim that someone is ‘worthless’, but I’m not gonna argue with you, cause that means stepping down to your level. I do feel sorry for you for not having a better argument to use. Insulting someone is actually a sign that shows that you’re running out of arguments.
I think you might enjoy this:
http://www.applegeeks.com/comics/viewcomic.php?issue=552
It’s the best comic reply to Twilight I’ve seen..
I thought it was rubbish, not enough action for my liking.
TufanGavaz Spoken like a true member of the Cult please let me point out every place that you are wrong and there are a lot.
1.”The twilight series is a popular for a reason.” yes Dumpy loveless house fraus and dingbat teen age broads have ZERO taste and discerment.
2. “but based on the responses to your comments I might be wrong” You are
3. “she wouldn’t have captivated millions of people if she had not” applying to the popular arguments actually negates your point. Communisim was popular doesn’t mean it’s good and The Mormon church took a page from Scientology and buys books to keep the numbers up. Plus the previously mentioned dumpy housewives and goth prone dopey teens.
4. “It allowed readers to feel like they were sharing in Bella’s experiences” those experiences would be fundimentalist mormonisim, abusive realtionships, becoming an appendage to the “noble” male. Niiiiiice….
5. “Yet, despite Bella’s obvious flaws, Edward Cullen falls completely and utterly in love with her.” yes because Smeyers…er… bela.. isn’t a complete person unless the perfet male named Joseph Smith…er…Eddie Cullen falls in love with her and makes HER complete.
Tool
5. “Yet, despite Bella’s obvious flaws, Edward Cullen falls completely and utterly in love with her.” yes because Smeyers…er… bela.. isn’t a complete person unless the perfet male named Joseph Smith…er…Eddie Cullen falls in love with her and makes HER complete.
Funny
Really YOU aren’t going to argue with me? You can’t argue with ME because you’re a brain dead, uncritical cretin who CAN’T argue with your moral and intellectual superior. I have to wonder though, if you didn’t want to argue why did you make this worthless post then dopey? The only way to you can talk with idiots cultists, like yourself, who follow the orders of the Mormon prophet is by smashing back ignorance through tough language.
I know you don’t want to hear this but its for the best. I know it’s hard for your low double digit IQ to comprehend but don’t worry about I am your Perfect man like Joseph Smith and his fictional stand in Eddie “bony fey Brit” Cullen. Liars and intellectual dupes, like yourself fool, only deserve to get ridiculed and shown to be the vacuous tools that they are.
Thank you for that colourful description of me:) You truly do know a lot of big, nice words!
What I did not want to discuss was how ‘worthy’ (as you so nicely described it) I am. ‘Cause that would be even more stupid than discussing how ‘right’ someone’s opinion of New Moon is. Other people’s opinions aren’t ‘wrong’ or ‘stupid’, they are just different. It is actually possible to be intelligent and have a high education and still liking the Twilight Series.
What I however don’t manage to understand is what happened to you that made you into a bitter bully that needs to feel superior by insulting someone you don’t know on the internet, without putting your name under it.
Trust me, you’re not my perfect man.
It’s actually rather funny how well you think you can describe me based on the fact that I like twilight, and am proud of it!:D
“It is actually possible to be intelligent and have a high education and still liking the Twilight Series.”
No. It actually isn’t. Because if you do then you can see through the transparent mormon porn garbage in a heartbeat.
I can’t trust you you’ve already made bald face lies and I AM PERFECTION INCARNATE just like Joseph Smith you dopey biddy.
“You can’t argue with ME because you’re a brain dead, uncritical cretin who CAN’T argue with your moral and intellectual superior.”
Fail… Dude, go get a cookie, you need it.
“Dude”? Son, once you can construct a coherent sentence without the use of “dude” then you can talk to me. I am much better then you “Brah”.
Also unlike yourself I am not a fatty that has to drown the bankruptcy of my life in processed sugar. I am successful unlike yourself. Now get me some fries boy.
Well, colorful stuff here for sure. Anyways, can’t we all get along? I am curious though, for everyone who is a big Twilight fan, what other films do you watch? What else are you looking forward to?
Either way, to put a cap on this merriment, check out this video over at Atomic Popcorn: http://www.atomicpopcorn.net/this-is-why-new-moon-outsold-the-dark-knight/
Once you get past the rant, there is a video wherein a guy hosts a New Moon screening at a magic theater, except he’s actually planned an intervention for the fans, not a screening of the movie.
Good stuff.
This is one of the best reviews of the movie I have read so far. Detailed, thorough and witty, it spares nothing. Thank you for being realistic and honest. Good job!
Can we ban xiphos0311 from commenting on this post again? He’s not even talking about the review anymore and he’s being really rude and irritating. I commented twice on this post and it keeps coming back on my comment page because he won’t stop harassing people.
I agree with you, he is being unnecessary rude.
Bartleby, if you want to know what else some ‘twilight-fans’ read and watch; I’ve just read 1984 by George Orwell, and The Unbearable Lightness of being, Russia 1848-1917 so I don’t only read Twilight. I just watched 2012, didn’t like it, ‘The Hangover’ – liked it, it was funny, Wanted- kinda entertaining ‘The Ugly Truth’, and Inglorious Bastard.
The Twilight series have actually been one of the first books some young girls read, girls who wouldn’t normally read, and if it has that advantage, maybe the series isn’t really that bad…?
Sorry about the mess in this post but I’m going to the airport in 50 minutes, and haven’t finished packing.
Cool. Thanks Solveig. It wasn’t that I assume that fans of twilight only read that, I just was hoping to expand the conversation to some other literary discussions. I think the Meyer phenom is something most of are just gonna have to agree to disagree on.
Orwell and ‘Being’ are good stuff. I’ve got a great novel to recommend, written just a few years back. ‘Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell’ by Susannah Clarke. It’s a fantasy (but not the pulp kind, far more literary ala Tolkien) that places English magicians helping out the war effort agaisnt Napoleon. Great, great stuff. One of the best novels of the last ten years easily.
Have a safe trip and enjoy your Thanksgiving!
No. In your case since you have a hard to time telling the truth I’m being necessarily rude. So is your flight to SLC, Provo or Mesa?
“The Twilight series have actually been one of the first books some young girls read”
No wonder chicks are such messes if they are subjected to this fundamentalist Mormon trash as a youngster. Waaaaa, being an independent strong women is hard. I need the love of a bony, skinny pale, Englishmen as a Joseph Smith stand in to make me complete and whole.
Thank you for the recommendation, I’ll try to find it when I get home:)
Bartleby what type of books do you like?
I just read a series by an author named Laurell K. Hamilton (I think), it was quite entertaining.
Thank you:) Have a nice Thanksgiving!
My flight went to Buenos Aires, not Mesa.
Solveig,
I’m not limited to any one genre, save as film, although I tend to stay away from really self indulgent crap (i.e. overly arty) and a few genres–like dimestore romance or western(not all westerns, just those churned out faux historical ones)– are off the list. I have alot less time to read these days than I used to, so when something like Twilight comes along that doesn’t quite hit my interest, it takes a bit to get me to read it.
Oddly, I always meant to pick Twilight up, but once I saw the film I was put off of it and probably won’t come back to it.
Lauren K. Hamilton, the author of those vampire/fantasy mysteries? I read one of her books once. The issue I had–she’s a bit of a freak, and the book read like softcore porn in many of its passages. She liked pairing her protagonist with as many different magical species as she could find.
They made Anne Rice look chaste.
A good magical/fantasy mystery series? Check out The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. It’s about a modern day sorcerer running a private detective agency. They are reasonably well written and quite entertaining.
No YOU can’t ban and if your cultist blinders can’t take the truth that’s YOUR problem baby girl.
It’s true that some of the pages is softcore porn, but if you skip those, the series can be quite entertaining.
I don’t really have that much time to read myself, so most of the books I read are books for my english class (our teacher chose “the American dream” as the theme), or it’s books that are just entertaining and doesn’t require that much thinking. Normally crime. I’ll check out the Dredsen Files:) Does sound like something for me. Thank you:)
If it doesn’t require much thinking it should be right up your ally then. ZING!
Bartleby
Nice review, I just wanted to tell you good luck. We’re all counting on you …
Here’s a book you wacked out cultist SHOULD read; Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Jon Krakauer. It will open your eyes to the lies you’ve been fed by the Mormon Church. If you are intellectually honest(I’m counting you out Solveig. you proven yourself to be liar) you will see all the fundamentalist Mormon garbage in the Twilight “books”.
Where is the proof of the Mormon “secret message” in the Twilight Series? I bet you can’t find reliable proof that it exists.
Basically because it probably doesn’t. She wrote the books to entertain people, not to convert.
You know, I really do feel sorry for you. You clearly have too much time on your hands. Maybe you should get a hobby. I know the dictionary is fun to read and all, as you clearly enjoy having a large vocabulary, but perhaps you could take up artistry or something. I would recommend debate but you enjoy being nasty and rude too much.
willowbatel I’ve summoned the “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAMBULANCE” for you it should be there any second. I’ve instructed them to take you to the back bone ward.
I’m so glad you’re concerned for my health. Clearly you aren’t all bad, despite your attempts at proving otherwise. Hope you get whatever problems you have figured out. People don’t like it when you’re grumpy.
Hey! Don’t shoot the messenger!
What makes you think baiting you idiot cultists isn’t a hobby?
Let me help you here since you have yet again demonstrated severe lack of understanding. I’m like super duper cool like that.
1. Like the saintly Joseph Smith or Pale Bony abusive, deep in the closet Eddie Cullen I’m by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.
2. I am BELOVED the world over.
So I saw Twilight 2: New Moon last night. Didn’t hate it as much as Bart. Its a solid B movie. Check out my review.
What I mean is, her eyes don’t match the rest of her make up. It obviously looks like contacts in the movie. They should try something that would make it seem less obvious.
Here you go, you head in the sand, Tweenlight cultists. From Live Journal choke on it:
According to the National Domestic Violence hot line, these are some signs that you may be in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.
Does your partner:
* Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Check.
* Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
“Stay away from the werewolves. I love you.”
* Make all of the decisions?
Check.
* Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
“If I wasn’t so attracted to you, I wouldn’t have to break up with you.”
* Threaten to commit suicide?
“I just can’t live without you. In fact, I’ll run to Italy and try suicide by vampire if anything happens to you.”
* Threaten to kill you?
On their first date.
These are some more signs of an abusive relationship.
Has your partner…
* Tried to isolate you from family or friends.
Bella doesn’t have time for anyone else!
* Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
Check.
* Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
Does tossing her through a glass table count?
* Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
“We’re breaking up. And I’m leaving you in the forest.”
* Scared you by driving recklessly.
Check.
* Forced you to leave your home.
She had to run away with him to flee from the other vampires in the first movie, and she had to drop everything and run to Italy in the second.
* Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Check. Even in the hospital, nothing is a big deal.
* Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Well, they are Mormon…
* Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Check, wolf-boy.
Yeah this movies and books are ALL about female empowerment all right, GREAT messages to send to young girls. WAKE UP cultists PUT DOWN the Kool Aid
Okay I just wanna start off by saying i’m not one of them people who devote their lives to the series (teenchy bit sad in my opinion) but i do like them so i’m just gunna say how wrong you are.
These are the responses in order of yours:
*She is one of the very few humans who aren’t instinctively scared of them, nothing he does scares her which is mentioned alot in the books.
*Edward’s character is protective of her because he believes werewolves are dangerous and lets her do as she pleases when he learns otherwise.
*okay he does make alot of decisions -not all- but bella really is quite pathetic and wouldn’t have it any other way.
*This one is just total BS that you’ve fished up lol. he doesn’t ever ‘abuse’ her so why should he deny it, in fact when she does manage to get herself hurt he always blames himself.
*Yes he does do that, but he only says he would do it if something happened to her, so i guess he is just as much controlled by her actions maybe?
*He didn’t threaten to kill her, he said he wanted to but resisted because he couldn’t do that. it wasn’t like ‘i’ll drink your blood if you don’t do as i say’ :s
*He says that she should be with people who are better for her, “I’m not good for you, Bella.” “My world is not for you,” “Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with.” You must have seen that he’s always telling her to spend time with her other friends.
*Yea at the end of New Moon (book) he goes and breaks things because he feels his family have betrayed him, he’s in no way angry toward Bella.
*That was the lesser of two evils, push her out of the way or stand there and let a thirsty vampire drain her, hmmm.
*He left her in sight of her home for crying out loud she was the one who wandered,there isn’t much more to be said here.
*Apparently these vampires have ‘super-senses’ so she wouldn’t have understood he was perfectly capable. I mean who would drive at 40mph when you could go 100 or whatever totally sure that you’re safe and not going to get caught or injure anyone else?
*Again lesser of two evils, run away with a chance of escaping the malicious vampire intent on your death or stay at home and lead the vampire straight to your door, where your dad is also living.
*Carlisle is a doctor so why would she need to go to a hospital
and her dad is a police chief enough said.
*not as objects seeing as he believes in older values such as chastity and being gentleman-like (if that’s even a word :/).
*He knows there is no doubt she is totally in love with him so he doesn’t accuse her of cheating but he does get jealous of her relationship with jacob because he knows that’s who she should be with and he was there when edward left her, obvs he knows that can never be repaired.
Yeah your summing up kinda went balls up when someone actually told you how pathetic you were being. this is light literature not a novel with some hidden message, just read it to enjoy, or not as the case may be but don’t go accusing Stephenie Meyer of promoting abusive relationships.
Get rid of that bloody chip on your shoulder and grow up, I have only read the books once, been to see new moon once. So it doesn’t take obsession to stand up against what you’ve said, just common decency.
Here’s why you are wrong:
1. I am ALWAYS Right.
2. I didn’t “write this” as you say. If you had a basic understanding of the written word you would realize that I said that its from “Live Journal” but it’s correct. Of course if you had a basic reasoning skills and an understanding of the written word you would not devout your life to Tweenlight.
I know, I know you “said” you only read the books once but come on you know them a bit to well. The Lady Doth Protest too much me thinks.
3. If you keep drinking the Mormon Kool aid you will end up in a celestial marriage to a creepy old man. And not a creepy old bony Englishmen like Cullen. A creepy old fundamentalist Mormon.
3. Stop attending the Mormon Church, your ward leaders are lying to you which isn’t to say other regions aren’t lying also, but these books are rife with Mormon propaganda.
4. Did you earn the last beating you received? Because you didn’t, nobody should lay hands on you for any reason.
5. I’m not “accusing” Smyers of promoting abusive relationships. IT’S A FACT that is what she’s doing. The criteria that National Domestic Abuse Hot Line says it all.
6. These books promote Mormon thinking and Smyers herself has said that it does.
7. I AM always decent. It’s my innate sense of decency that I am here to help all you loopy, dopey broads break free from abusive relationships, the Mormon Church and most importantly BAD BOOKS.
8. Lastly again because it needs to be said again, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. It says so in the Torah, The Bible, The Book Of Mormon, The Holy Scrolls of Zoroastrianism, The Bhagavad Gita and the Qur’an.
Seriously how thick is your skull that a message cannot get through to you?
saying it is ‘FACT’ because it follows the guidelines is incorrect. it does not follow the guide lines, to say this relationship is abusive is incredibly demeening to women who HAVE actually been abused by comparing abusive relationships to the loving relationship presented. As the story is told in first person narrative you are able to see Bella’s opinions and emotions, you can tell how much she wants to see him and spend the rest of her existence with him. Someone who’s been abused will tell you they want to escape even if they may love the person.
I am not a mormon and have no idea what mormon kool aid is (maybe we don’t have it in England I dunno) so that one’s lost on me. Also it’s disgusting the amount of disrespect you show against the religion. I’m Catholic Christian and attend catholic church so stop using religion as an arguing tool.
The reason I protested was because I knew you would come back with saying i was blinded by obsession or whatever and i was clearly right, again.
“The Lady Doth Protest.” who the hell do you think you are?
TWEENLIGHT CULTISTS CHECK THIS OUT:
http://tinyurl.com/yjss8au
Yes I would.
Now for a moment of seriousness. I’ve included a link to Wired magazine I would implore all the defenders of this dangerous twilight garbage to read. Please, I beg of you, read it without the Tweenlight blinders. If you have any intellectual honesty you will admit that the points in the link are WHAT. YOU. ARE. DEFENDING.
Please read this with an open mind and think about:
http://tinyurl.com/ygfpx5u
what no response? I declare VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!! or is that the memo from the Mormon Church has run out?
stop commenting you’re annoying the hell out of everyone just face it dude.
What I like about this is that you had to go back and look at it again. This either makes you terminally sad or terminally insecure.
Either way, perfect Twatlight fodder.
No, they have been the victim of a good old fashioned changian pencil jihad.
2true be praised.
Jarv,
A victory like this hasn’t been seen since the Battle of Culloden Moors in 1746. We are the doughty English foot that smashed back the wild hoards of charging Jacobian highlanders. The Tweenlighters fell like the Macdonalds, MacLeans and Maclachlans under our intellectual bayonets and musketry.
xiphos0311, thanks for the comment about National Domestic Violence. I’m making an article about it in my club’s newspaper and I just needed that to think of a con of the Twilight Saga.
Xiphos: Knight in Shining Armour, here to save women from setting back feminism by 100 years and subjugating their personality to an oppressive wifebeater.
2true is pleased. There is no place for domestic violence in Changian doctrine.
That’s me Hero for Hire. I’m like the English Navy defeating the Spanish Armada or Nelson at Trafalgar or maybe even Wellington at Waterloo.
Justine you are welcome but all I did was repost somebodies else excellent work. I know you will take this information and you will craft a top notch article for your club’s paper.
Did you check out the other link I provided to Wired Magazine? While it covers some similar ground as the National Domestic Violence Hotline link, it also goes its way and might provide you with further grist for your mill.
I’m just throwing this out there… Hayden Pantierre would’ve made a great Bella Swan. http://bit.ly/4G5pT1
For the record, I’m not sure what Stephanie Meyer was thinking when she wrote breaking dawn. It’s good, just not Twilight or Stephanie Meyer good. Does anyone else agree with this Twilight Quiz
Do you tweet and have a twitter account so I can follow you?
Stolp, thanks for checking out the site. Here ya go:
I’ve just swung by to savor the sweet taste of victory once again. The twatlighter cultist were summarily destroyed. Since it’s been a year most of you have stopped reading this garbage and hang your head in shame that you ever defended this post nasal drip of a book and movie series.
Not so, mon Freur-you have just been twittered!
Great read and well played Xiphos & Jarv!
did you read Bronco’s tweet shopper?
Cheers S Mart.
Look Stewart can be good:
or
Two films that are far better artistically and morally than this mormon shite.