Movie Review: ‘Ninja Assassin’ masters the art of gore

November 25th, 2009–

American Ninja, where art though? Pray for Death, you have gone…never to return. Even Ninja III: Domination moved away and forgot to write. The over-the-top kill happy martial-arts fantasies of the mid 1980s have all abandoned us, and nothing ever came to take their place. With the exception of a occassional, errant nugget like 1995’s The Hunted (yea, it sucked…surprise) a genre I so loved as a child has all dried up.

Yes, I’m talking about the ninja film. Sure, Japan produced a few half-hearted attempts over the years, including the recent Shinobi:Heart Under Blade, but it had a decidedly wuxia feel to its ninjary (TM), and it played like a feverish video game. Then, hope briefly surfaced in the form of an announcement; the brothers Wachowski were making a big budget ninja film with their acolyte James McTeigue (V for Vendetta) behind the camera and Korean pop star Rain in front of it. Now that it’s here, Ninja Assassin turns out to be one more glittering chunk of fool’s gold. Outside of a killer opening sequence and a rather lively final battle, this one proves a tedious disappointment.

Movie Review: ‘Old Dogs’ should be euthanized

November 25th, 2009–

 Let it never be said that one-note Robin Williams comedies aren’t thought provoking. All through Old Dogs, which also unfortunately snares Mr. John Travolta, I sat there thinking; who is this movie for anyway? As if in answer, there came peals of middle aged laughter everytime Williams mewled like a child, or Travolta heaved himself in the direction of a cake or a chicken leg. When the dog uncontrollably pisses on the floor I think it generated enough titilation from the audience they might have done the same. No matter, this is an offense on almost nearly every level. Last week I tore apart New Moon, and I think I owe Twilight fans just a smidgen of an apology. Your movie isn’t the worst of the year. Nope. Not even close. Meet Old Dogs. The only trick they should be taught is how to disappear.

Movie Review: Hancock finds the sunny ‘Side’ of Oher’s story

John Lee Hancock’s film version of Michael Lewis’ novel, The Blind Side is an unexpected holiday gift to  movie-goers looking for a little emotional uplift with their theater experience. In a sea of empty calorie FX pictures, yawny teen flicks and great but devestating dramatic pieces,  Blind Side is that dependable but all too infrequent of cinematic treats; an honest to goodness family film.  

Movie Review: Bad ‘Moon’ On The Rise

November 20th, 2009–

As an outsider to the cult of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight, I confess to not understanding the draw of Bella Swan and her pasty vampiric paramour.  Having not read the novels and seen only the uneven, frustratingly bland and often risible (search your heart, you know it to be true) first installment, I was less than eager to catch New Moon. After watching it, less-than-eager seemed far too naive a stance to have taken. Significantly more stilted, cloying and nodescript than its predecessor, Moon stares full-on into the flat, gray abyss of teenage gothic longing and sexual repression. I now understand the draw, but am baffled by the lack of taste with which the series handles its themes.

Movie Review: Hoffman, Nighy and Ifans struggle to keep ‘Pirate Radio’ afloat

 Richard Curtis is a bit of a cheeky monkey.

Having written British quirk comedies like Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and Love Actually (which was his directorial debut), Curtis has specialized in making off-color movies that are always more wholesome than they want to be.  His second film as a director, Pirate Radio, is a tune-filled anthem to the renegade rock jockeys of the 1960’s who would broadcast continual music from off-shore boats functioning as floating radio stations.

Movie Review: On the eve of destruction with ‘2012′

There is no getting around it. Roland Emmerich’s 2012 is a spectacularly stupid movie.

Over the course of its 153 minute running time, Yellowstone blows its top, D.C. gets predictably crushed under heavy down-pour of CGI, and most of California just crumbles like a French pastry. In the midst of this eye-smashing gauntlet of global apocalypse, a startling number of gifted actors run about dodging falling Earth shrapnel, choke out hokey lines about mankind’s fall, and work overtime to convince us that this time it really is the end. To top things off, Danny Glover gets to be the second black president to shepherd the human race through an extinction level event.

DVD Showcase: Dark fantasy spills into reality in ‘Ink’

November 12th, 2009–

God Bless Jami Winans and his filmmaking team. Their indie effort ‘Ink’, a fantastical mish-mash of children’s bedtime stories, surrealistic imagery and sci-fi action is an honest to goodness sleeper. You won’t see it, or its emotional impact, coming. It’s been some time since a film this low budget achieved so much in regards to what ends up on screen. The world of Ink is like 80’s Spielberg meets Gilliam by way of Neil Gaiman. At the same time, it has originality and heart. Plenty of that last one.  

What would Perseus Do? See the ‘Clash of the Titans’ trailer!

Nov 11th, 2009–

Ye children of the Nineteen-Hundred and Eighties gather round! Behold the glimpse of things soon to pass and the return of a friend from the desert of memory! Clash of the Titans has returned….sort of.

10 more top war films from Xiphos

November 9th, 2009–

A month or so ago, I posted Xiphos’ list of his top ten modern American war films from the perspective of a military man and someone personally interested in the history of warfare. Now, Xiphos is back with a follow-up list highlighting war films that are both international and from previous eras. We don’t get any Spartans, but there’s plenty of great films in the list below, both ones you have seen and others you probably haven’t. If I was pressed to give an opinion, I’d say Lawrence should perhaps be higher and that all three of the Australian films mentioned (including Morant, which is more of a courtroom drama) are top-shelf and absolutely worth seeing. Great work, Xi! Thanks again.

Take it away…

‘The Wolfman’ gets some howlingly good new posters!

Ok, so I definitely miss those gorgeous painted movie posters of days gone by–one for this would have been outstanding–but in the world of haphazard photo-shop rush jobs, these two at least have some style.

Joe Johnston’s Wolfman is a film I’ve been anticipating and dreading for awhile. The original is one of the all time great creature features and it’s still the most powerful and engrossing werewolf film ever made. Once the trailers started showing up, I became more intrigued than put-off. Aside from some unfortunate CGI, this one looks pretty good.

Here now are two posters(the one at the left was originally posted over at Aint it Cool News and the one below was scooped by Cinematical) for the film that help build that victorian gothic atmosphere that seems to be an integral part of Johnston’s vision.